Entitlement Quiz: Find Out Who You Really Are

Here is a little quiz I ran across in a Scandinavian publication. You are supposed to answer each question with the appropriate number.  You've done it before. There are 8 questions and you add up your score at the end.

I. When meeting new people I generally let them know in one way or another I went to an Ivy League school within an hour.

1. Strongly disagree
 2. Disagree
3. Huh?
 4. Agree,
 5 Strongly agree.

[On number 1 double your score if you make a point of telling students.]

II. You attended two Ivy League Schools and ended up  with less than $40,000 in debt. If you attended Exeter, you are automatically in the "Yep, that's me" category.

1. NOT ME.
 (No in between possibilities here)
5. YEP, that's Me. 

 III.  Your Dean announces as a budgetary matter the school will not supply toner for individual office-kept printers.

1. You do not have an office printer,
2. You have a printer but use  it rarely
3. You see no problem buying your own toner.
4. You are offended because it will slow down your work
5. You view the decision as punitive because the nearest community printer is several feet away and you are way too important to walk that far.

IV. At the beginning of each year your Dean gives each person a travel budget.
1. You rarely use the budget.
2. You use some of the budget but only if there are professionally meaningful events.
3. You use all the budget and when it runs out, you pay.
4. You use over half of the budget and, at the end of they year, try to figure out a way to spend anything that is left.
5. You don't really pay attention to the budget, If you go over the school better pay because, after all, you are world class.

V. Which of these would you consider a legitimate event on which to spend school funds.
1. Giving a Paper at the AALS convention.
2. Giving a Paper at the annual meeting of a national organization.
3. Attending a meeting of an organization that you know something about in NYC
4. Serving on a one hour long panel with 6 others in Rio.
5. Traveling to Quebec city to confer with a coauthor whose office is actually three doors down from yours.

VI.  You post office hours for student drop ins for
1. 10 hours a week
2. 8 hours a week
3. 6 hours a week
4. 4 hours a week
5. less than 4 hours a week.

VII. What would you cancel class for?
1. Death in family or serious illness
2. Nuclear fallout.
3. Did not get prepared enough.
4. Got an invitation to teach in Rome for a week.
5. I sneezed a few hours ago and could be getting a head cold.

VIII. The Dean notes you teach about 80 students a year, well below the faculty average. He or she asks you to teach more. You.
1. Say you are concerned about pulling your weight and volunteer to teach another section.
2. add writing assignments to the usual class material because the small classes are an opportunity.
3. explain that you have pressing other duties.
4. explain that the material is hard and you spend time with the students outside of class.
5. say, "I am teaching 9 hours and that is the average load."

Total Score: 41 and up. Retake the test. That score is not possible but the highly entitled person may feel deserving of numbers over 5.
30-40  You are insufferable.
20-30  You should take good look at yourself. If your smile is out of place. Well, you know the rest.
10-20 Are you sure? If so, get ready to be appalled by the activities of some of your colleagues.

Yale Don't Wanna Hear From No Dumb Ass Legal Writing Teachers and Paul Ryan

Give me your hungry, your tired your poor I'll piss on 'em,
Lou Reed

This (below, not up there)  is lifted from a  post on Prawfblawg   that quoted another blog which quoted a letter of advice from the Director of Admission at Yale to a transfer student wannabe.  I really don't like putting in all the links but you can find it. It's quite creepy but don't blame the Director. She is telling it the way it is.

 "The other part of your application that is going to carry a significant amount of weight is your law school recommendations (we require two).  We use these references to place your grades in context and also to determine what kind of student you are.  A common mistake on this front is to make one of your two required recommendations from a legal writing instructor -- most students do this because they've usually had much more one-on-one interaction with their legal writing instructor than with their other professors, and so the instructor usually knows them well.  There's nothing wrong with this per se, but the Admissions Committee generally likes to have at least two letters from one of your first year core subject area professors, who can speak to your ability to keep up with the subject material, contribute to class discussion, and think through difficult concepts (a third letter from your legal writing instructor is fine).  Letters from professors who went to YLS -- who as you probably know are ubiquitous in the legal academy-- are often especially helpful, since they usually discuss why the applicant would fit into the academic and cultural experience here.  But don't go stalking a Yale alum just for this purpose -- just pick professors from classes in which you have performed very well and you'll be on the right track."

There are so many things wrong with this that I do not know where to begin. First, it is a tremendous dis of Legal Writing instructors many of whom are excellent, are grads of elite schools, and are teaching legal writing because they have limited geographic options due to one factor or another.  In fact, one of the people in the chain through which I received this quote teaches legal writing, went to an elite school, and could teach the pants off most people I know. So, Yale elites cannot even get it straight when trying to make sure no riff-raff gets through.

That riff-raff, by the way, would be students at non elite schools  who, according to the author of the letter, must have had the misfortune of having Yale grad profs. Why misfortune? Yale professors must be awful teachers because none of their students at those schools, when they become legal writing teachers, are good enough for a letter of recommendation that counts.

Second, it tells you what Yale folks think of writing. They don't want to hear from the person most informed about writing and speaking. Opps, isn't that what lawyers do?! Not all Yale grads can find  jobs writing incomprehensible law review articles that are never read.

Third, there is the "get Yale prof letters if you can" suggestion. Why? The answer is because they know whether you will fit into Yale's "academic and cultural experience." (Excuse me for a sec. I am barfing as I type this. . . . Ok, I am fine now.)  Now talk about a disaster. Is she saying what I think? We sure as hell do not want any diversity here. We want people who fit.  Only a Yale grad now in law teaching would know  if the candidate is sufficiently boring, one-dimensional,  Yale ass kissing, grade grubbing, and underachieving enough to fit in at Yale.

What does this have to do with Paul Ryan. It's easy, the Director's letter describes classism in full bloom. We do not trust someone who is not already in our cozy little class. And what do we know about huge numbers of people in that class. They're always circling the wagons because they know that they got there through connections and mommy and daddy's money. They are largely privileged people with an insatiable sense of entitlement. Actually, they are Paul except for some superficial political views.

Law Professors for Romney/Ryan

Finally, a ticket that many, if not most, law professors can get behind. Here are two silver spoon candidates whose hands were probably never dirty. Opps, correction. Ryan does like to sneak around in the woods with his bow and arrow and try to kill unsuspecting animals and sometimes there is dirt on his super duper big boy bow. What bravery! One of those chipmunks could charge you.

It's just perfect, both are in their jobs because their parents and connections. There is no sign that either could have made it on their own intellects and work ethic.  Ryan, it appears, actually never worked a real job other than part time stints. He does list "marketing consultant for family business" but, come one, if you wanted to make sure little Rye could get a cut of the take and you could write it off this is exactly what you would do.

If they were in the AALS sheets and had gone the law schools their parents could afford and made decent grades they would be scooped up faster than a Supreme Court Clerk. In fact, they would have been Supreme Court clerks. No one on a hiring committee would ask:

1. What have you actually done in your life?
2. Have you overcome anything that was difficult?
3. Who do you know who has helped you?
4. What do your mommy and daddy do? (Ok I know Ryan's dad died early but here I am talking about the status they were born into.)
5. What do you bring to the table that every other privileged person does not bring, other than dressage experience.

The dominant culture in legal education hire these people every year and I assume they will vote for them. They have finally found their political and social counterparts. I am surprised the law professor vote is regarded as so important to result in such an obvious appeal.

WTF, The Wonderful World of Won't: Summer Rerun

Sorry if the letters offend you but it really is the phrase running around in my head when I think of this: One of my first jobs was a laborer. Unionized but still low pay. Florida sun, 8 hours often in the mud and so tired at the end of the day it was a beer and bed. The only disagreements were between the foreman and the union steward over how many cinder blocks I should carry at a time. I kept my mouth shut and needed the job. Just like being a law professor, I knew if the truth were out, a zillion of people could do what I did. I did not say when I would come to work, how long I would stay, what I would do, when I would do it. I just did it every day to get a check.

If anyone has had that type of job -- the type most Americans have had or do have then their only reaction to law professors has to be WFT?

Like the meeting I was in the other day in which the question came up of why someone only taught a handful of students each year. The answer? "I talked to her and she won't teach more than that." WTF?? WON'T?? When did won't become an employee's response. Yes, working Americans, law professors get to say that and no one gives them a spanking or fires them.

"Dude, gotta be out of town for a couple weeks to teach somewhere else. Don't worry, I'll work when I can (or not), a little extra here and there or maybe 5 days straight at end." Law professors reading this know I am not kidding but this is fair game if you have a job in which you "won't" do things and the only response from the person nominally in charge is "oh." WTF

How about this one. Don't want to teach your classes at 9 or 4 or on Friday,Monday or Wednesday (or at all). OK, my dear what would work for you in the world of "won't." WTF?

OK, how about not really teaching in person but taping an entire course and them picking your your check as usual. Tape for two days and semester is done. Is this the same as phoning it in? I wish I could have phoned it in the day my finger was almost taken off while I was hooking a giant bucket of cement to a crane. WFT?

You don't really want to teach what the law is but what you wish it were. No problem, if you are in the world of "won't." No one knows and so what if the students' clients are blindsided by the attorney on the other side who actually does know the law. WTF?

What? me grade exams? Don't worry, just use that recycled machine graded multiple choice one. WFT?

I think one of the qualifications for being a law professor is to do hard labor (not in jail although that is a thought) in order to get just a taste of reality and humility. As best I can tell those who do not make use of the "won't" culture, in John Lennon's words are "still fucking peasents as far as I can see" or they will be treated that way.

$10,000 Reward for Anyone who "Built it Alone"

I am pretty upset with Obama and his "you did not built it" comment. Sure, people are taking it out of context and making a big deal but uttering that sound bite was like fumbling the ball at the worst time. And, it was not a fumble after a vicicous hit. No he was just running in the open field and lost his concentration and dropped the ball. Whether it will be run back for the game winning touchdown remains to be seen but, if it is, he alone is the goat.

Just to test those who are offended because they "build their business on their own" I am offering a  "blow hard" reward to anyone who can demonstrate that the Obama statement does not apply to them. I guess this is an offer to small business owners but it could be to anyone who thinks they earned what ever they have without assistance. A non exhaustive list of the things you would have to prove are:

1. You did not attend a public school or recieve any scholarships.
2. You have not purchased for your business any items that were produced by a firm that employed people who attended public schools.
3. You have not employed people who attended public schools or whose parents did.
4. You have not used, for money earning purposes, public roads, sidewalks, libraries nor  have any of your employees or the people from whom you have made purchases.
5. Your parents did not pay for your education.
6. No one ever told you something you did not already know without being paid the full value of that information by you.
7. You have not purchased any items the quality of which is assured by any kind of goverment regulation. This includes engaging the services of anyone who the state has deemed qualified as a result of passing one type of exam or another.
8. No worker you hired was ever paid less than the revenue to which their efforts gave rise.

Yale Tries to Lock Up Law Professor Market With Yet Another Brand

It has long been known that one way to buy your way into law teaching, other than receiving a JD from a elite school,  is to buy a  LLM or a SJD from a comparable school. In fact, the highly ranked law schools offering those programs aggressively promote their graduates as potential law teachers. But now Yale is prepared to go one better. Yes, a Ph.D. for those who want to be law professors. OK, so what happened to the LLM and the SJD?  My guess is that this is just a move to differentiate the product and the substance will not be that much different.

On the other hand, it could be very different. There are some things a law professor might be able to learn in a program specifically designed to prepare him or her for law teaching that might be left out of another program. Here are some courses that are likely to be offered:

LAW 200: Conserving and Promoting the Brand

At the end of this process, you will possess the Yale brand. Protect your investment. This course concentrates on preserving the Yale image. For example, should you have a vanity license tag? How about a sweat shirt?  How can you mention you went to Yale and make it seem natural? How to ensure your children are admitted to Yale. How to make sure Yale grads are at the top of the list of people your future school will hire.

LAW: 300 Networking

The successful law professor networks. This means forming connections to people you do not know but who may be of use to you. Topics include: how to only network with those who can help you, how not to network with people who would like help,  compliments to offer when approaching a potential network partner, remember what people look like, remembering names, name dropping, etc.

LAW 400 Confercating

A successful law professor never pays for a vacation. Instead they go to conferences. This course stresses how to create a conference, how to get invited to a conference, how to classify expenses to ensure reimbursement. A significant part of the course is field work in which conference venues around the world will be visited.

LAW 500 Ingratiating Behavior

This is cross listed as Butt-Kissing. Whose butt should you kiss? And when? This is a skills course. You must learn to stroke the egos of those who can help you but not in a manner that is obvious. In addition to class there is a 2 hour lab.

LAW 600 Planning Your Teaching Schedule

Your research demands long stretches of time unencumbered by pesky students. All classes should meet from 11-12 AM on Wednesday.  Teaching on Friday interferes with Confercationing. Monday classes are not held at all at any reputable law school but if they are held you are entitled to  claim it was a plot to impede your productivity.

LAW 700 Testing and Grading

One word here:  Don't worry. In this course you will learn about delegating the entire process to others. Key areas are: How to download multiple choice exams from other sources, how to give the exam to your secretary to grade, and how to avoid students who have questions about the exam.

LAW 800 Getting What You Want

It is always better to get what you want in any manner other than by asking. Subject matter includes: Waiting to see if you can free ride on the requests of others, making pleas based  in what is fair, claiming that not doing it your way is punishment, volunteering to do what you want to do instead of asking. For example, "I volunteer to travel to Rome."

The Season of Confercationing

I have not read anyone who captures the conniving by academics to vacation on someone else's dime better than David Lodge.  I do not recall the book title but in one he has a character doing the grand tour of Europe by linking conferences together. That is probably not uncommon. I think some academics only vacation when its paid for by their school or, at the very least, they can write it off. Let's call it Confercationing.

Sometimes the Conferences are held by actual organizations. I have been to both Geneva and Amsterdam in connection with one such organization but I do not want to be too hard on that organization since it was international and strives to rotate the meetings.

Some Conferences are just people who decide, "Hey lets have a conference." I was casting around for an example of the "Let's have conference so we can have out trips paid for" and I found a humdinger. I am not going to name names because I'll bet this is representative of hundreds of others.

To have a really good Confercation you need to have an organization with members in foreign lands so you can go there or, if there is no organization, it needs to about international something or other. This is especially true if all those Confercationing are from one school. But if they are all from one School it is, by necessity, small but has a big title. For example, the Conference on International Judicial Systems which I made up but, if it exists, would mean that 10 or 15 people from a school and their buds could go to a difference country each year -- not including any of the "Stans" or anywhere too hot, too cold,  too far from a fancy hotel, beach, or mountains or too inexpensive. You really have to watch that last one. Too inexpensive means no one will show up.

The conference I actually found was thousands and thousand of miles from the school hosting it and it was necessary for 13 members of the same faculty or some pals to go along. It was of the international variety although some participants seemed to have no connection with international anything except subsidized travel.

When you are confercationing you do not want waste too much time on the actual conference and you sure do not want anyone to prepare anything very scholarly to present. So, a day and half will do it and, lets see, sessions on "directions," "prospects," and "considerations" are all important as is an opening and closing session. Six people per hour and a half means not having to say much especially if the audience gets to ask questions. And, no need to schedule any time between sessions as that would mean they might actually go the full hour an a half and require each person from thousands and thousand of miles away to speak for a full 15 minutes.

Damn! I gotta go. My plane leaves shortly for the Greek Islands where the Comparative Contract Law Conference, which I organized, will be held. To economize I only invited myself but I promise to present my paper "Comparative Implied Obligations to Street Entertainers" to someone. I'll have plenty of time on the plane to scribble down my remarks which will last 10 minutes, max.